The fear of hearing those words when talking about your business can stop you in your tracks. It’s the response you can most dread hearing when you tell someone what you’re doing now, or introduce yourself to a group, or make a sales pitch: “You? Really? Well, who do you think you are?”
In reality, friends, colleagues, and potential clients rarely say anything quite so confronting. Most people are polite and considerate when they have questions about your work, or even when they decline to do business with you. But the real replies you hear from your contacts are usually a lesser obstacle to your success than the responses you imagine in advance. The negative reactions you worry that you might get can prevent you from saying anything at all.
Exposing yourself to criticism or rejection can be the scariest aspect of running a business where the product is yourself. When someone challenges you with queries like “What qualifies you to do that work?” or “How much experience do you have?” or “What sort of results can I expect?” it can feel like a personal attack. When they never follow through with meeting up for coffee, or don’t reply to your email, or say no to your offer, you may interpret their response as dislike, disapproval, or condemnation.
Whenever you find yourself hesitant or fearful to talk about your business because of how people might respond, here are six countermeasures to help you keep going.
1. You are probably your own worst critic.
No one else will ever criticize you as harshly as you criticize yourself. In fact, by listening only to the voice in your own head instead of to what others think, you are likely to be exposing yourself to more criticism, not less.
Get out of your head and start listening to the good opinion others have of you. Ask a friend, colleague, or coach to help you list all the positive qualities that make you a qualified, competent professional. When people give you compliments, make note of what they say. Keep copies of your “fan mail” from satisfied clients and respected colleagues, and review it as undeniable evidence of what excellent work you can do.
2. The business decisions of prospective clients are not judgments of your character.
When potential clients say no to hiring you, it simply means they are choosing to spend their money elsewhere or to delay solving their problem. Their reasons for doing so are much more about their own situation and preferences than about who you are. Don’t interpret a client’s refusal to do business as meaning there is something wrong with you.
Even when someone chooses to work with a competitor, they really aren’t judging you. They are making a business decision about what suits their needs best — a lower price, someone whose experience is a closer match for their project, or someone referred from a source they trust. You will often find that a client who decides not to work with you will turn around and refer you to someone else. They wouldn’t do that if they thought you weren’t up to the job.
3. When someone doesn’t respond, it means nothing.
If a contact doesn’t respond to your email, text, or phone call, it’s tempting to manufacture reasons why you haven’t heard from them. Your critical self may try to tell you they don’t like your style, think you’re incompetent, and a long list of other nonsense. But you’re making all that up based on no evidence whatsoever.
When a person doesn’t get back to you, it’s just as likely that they are too busy, went out of town, or their boss gave them a higher-priority project. If you’re going to make things up about your contacts, wouldn’t it be more helpful to visualize them eager to talk to you and awaiting your communications?
4. Neither brilliance nor perfection are requirements for success.
You don’t need to believe you are the very best at what you do in order to succeed. You simply need to believe you are capable, reliable, and deliver good value, and be willing to tell people so. Prospective clients and networking contacts really aren’t seeking someone who broadcasts the message, “I’m the best.” They’d rather find someone who says, “I get the job done.”
Often the most successful self-employed folks are not those with the most talent anyway. Remember the story of the turtle and the hare? The hare ran ahead, and full of his own success, he rested for too long. The turtle won the race because he kept moving forward at his own consistent speed. However good you are right now is good enough to get the job done for your clients. If you keep broadcasting that message consistently, you’ll get hired.
5. You’re not going to improve without more chances to practice.
If you’re not perfect yet, it simply means you need more experience, and what better way to get it than by doing real jobs for real clients? This is what everyone does. No professional or creative was born knowing his or her business inside out.
Training and book-learning can only go so far. The best way to learn is almost always by doing. The recognized experts in your field got to be that way by doing work for clients and getting paid for it. If you can deliver results to your clients in a reasonable timeframe at a market rate price, it’s time to stop rehearsing and start performing.
6. You can’t wait for your inner critic to stop talking.
Ask successful professionals and creatives whether they still doubt their abilities sometimes, and the honest ones will tell you: “Absolutely.” The way you become successful is not by waiting for the doubts to go away. The path to success is by taking consistent action in pursuit of your goals even when doubts creep in.
Who do you think you are? You are a skilled, valuable professional with a wealth of expertise to contribute to your potential clients. If you don’t begin by convincing yourself of that, then you won’t be able to convince anyone else either.
