I often wonder how the practice began among self-employed professionals and creatives of pretending to be someone else in order to promote your business. You know what I’m talking about — it’s the marketing face, the selling voice, that you often put on in order to attend a business event or make a sales call. Who taught you to do that?

I have a suspicion where we learned this behavior. Most of us spend a lifetime observing showroom salespeople, product spokespeople in the media, and hucksters on street corners. What we see demonstrated there is artificial enthusiasm, manipulative use of language, feigned interest, and in some cases outright deception.

Sounds awful, doesn’t it? So why copy any part of this distasteful way of marketing and selling?

Psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote, “It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” Perhaps we believe this is the only way we can market or sell, because it’s the only way we know. I’m not accusing anyone of consciously deceiving prospective clients. What I’m suggesting is that what we do unconsciously and automatically is to behave inauthentically around them.

Intuitively, many of us feel as if something is wrong with this way of operating. When we have to promote ourselves, we find it unpleasant, disagreeable, even repulsive. But what if all those negative feelings were simply because we hate the artificiality and manipulation we think must be a part of marketing and sales?

Imagine what it would be like to go to a business event as yourself. No facade, no pretension, just plain you. When someone asks your reason for coming, you tell them the truth. You don’t have to claim you wanted to hear the speaker (if you really didn’t). You can come right out and say, “I’m hoping to make some contacts that will lead to more business for me.”

You wouldn’t have to invent reasons to start a conversation. You can walk up to someone who looks interesting and say, “Hi, I haven’t met you yet.” If you’re shy around strangers, you can tell the first person you meet, “I’m sort of a wallflower and feel awkward at events like this. Could you introduce me to some folks?”

Now, imagine following up by email or phone with a prospective client and being completely honest. You could say, “I have some days open on my calendar soon and I’m wondering if this would be a good time for that project we’ve been discussing.” Or, “We haven’t connected in a while and I’d like to find out if you’re still interested in starting that new training program this year.”

I see so many professionals and creatives struggle with trying to find an “excuse” to contact a potential client. You don’t need some manufactured excuse. You know the reason you’re reaching out. Most of the time they know the reason you’re reaching out. Just say what it is.

Let’s extend this same principle to making a cold call. Instead of stumbling around awkwardly trying to make a polished — but unnatural — sales approach, imagine yourself saying, “I’m not much of a salesperson, but I’m really good at what I do. Can we have a conversation about what you need and see if I’m the right person for the job?”

If you’ve been working from a phone script that makes you flush and get a tight throat every time you try to read it, throw it out. Come up with one really good opening line that feels authentic and gets directly to the point. Then decide how you will answer — honestly — some of the typical questions prospective clients ask you. My bet is that your calls will immediately get easier.

In fact, the more you become honest, direct, and authentic in all of your promotion, the more appealing marketing and selling will be to you, the more effortless it will become, and the more success you will ultimately achieve.

Most business results from building relationships. How can you develop a relationship with someone when you never reveal who you really are?

This post was first published in 2018 and has been updated for 2024.